Chapter Four

They all say each picture is capable of telling a story on its own. Take another look at my picture, what makes you think you're looking at the end of my story? On the surface layer where things lay afloat is all you can and do see.

I can't justify myself for calling you up at this hour and saying all those things I said or for even writing this post in fact. Indeed I may regret doing so as I could have pulled you a few steps back to where you first started. Nevertheless I feel the need to stand up for what is real and true to me, that which overwrites the need to even think. I'll never let anyone trample over or deny my most prized possession.

The moments we've shared together with just the two of us is unassailable for all I can say. And that's where it stops. My capabilities only allow me so much as to utter words from my mouth. For that you might see me as nothing more than a lying pinnochio with a 20 foot long nose, regardless I'll say it one more time.

I have never smiled the same since our last smile together

Convicted of every crime, we silently do our time. Do new soldiers stand marching alongside you now? I don't know, but when the day comes, I'd rather hear it from your mouth than anyone elses.

I despise most how they take what I hold dearest to me and turn it all into an abomination against my back. What do they know about us or myself?

One day I swear I will crucify every fucking last one of them if not today, someday soon.

1/2

is this my cue to smile?

i'll never hear them again

memories of an angel as remains

i've been sleeping a thousand years it seems

i never can repay what you did for me was way more

and that's all that's left on this barren land

in this inviolable asylum i shall seek refuge

ik

Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew. It is sad to not be loved but many times worse not to be able to love.

How do I live with myself?

The voices, yours, his, theirs, projects images in my mind which helps keep me less than sane. The laughs and the scorns as he turns a full circle to observe his surroundings, a mockery of society screaming that he be crucified and washed clean of his sins and the demons that dwell in him. And then the devil himself leans in and whispers softly but clearly, ''you reap what you sow, you fucking fool.''

Crestfallen man

Tales of a Crestfallen Man.

It pains me to know that you've walked a great mile away from me. But at the same time, I'm glad to know you're doing well and away from the hurt and pain that we both endlessly drown in. Maybe this was my part in it all. To play my role, only to see you off into a brighter future without me as dictated by our Father himself. In you I saw forever, not knowing I was merely a piece of what would make up your life.

The scent of your perfume, the soft gentle touch of your skin, left my hair standing on ends. It was all so surreal as I took the exact road I usually did to your place. To watch you walk out that door and towards me with a beaming smile on your face. Only this time, it wasn't the same. Only this time, I never got to hug and kiss you the way I usually do the moment you step beyond that gate.

Like a guy shackled against his will as per how everyday, I pray through gritted teeth and clenched fists for the strength and wisdom to make it through the fucking day while battling the wave of emotions washing over me. A broken mess in silence, resisting temptations of caressing your face in my hand, to constrict my arms around you and feel the warmth of your body pressed against mine, to be able to kiss those lips once again. No matter how I tried, I would always pick up the bits and pieces of memories you left behind and tears would fall again.

Even after everything, I've spent countless nights with you, but only nights in dreams. With my senses sharpened, your voice, your touch, the interaction all seemed so real as I jolt up covered in beads of cold sweat finding myself searching frantically for you, only to realize you're no longer here. Its like hell replaying its scenes reminding me of what was and could have been and how I fucked up while the devil laughs and scorns away at me.

Like a Mary Jane to her Peter Parker, Betty Ross to her Bruce Banner, you are what made me human. You kept me happy in ways only you knew how, helped set my life straight, you completed and enabled me altogether, you were my everything. Yes you. For what seemed like a split second, I was able to find my way into your hands tonight as I tightly held on and gently laid a kiss. Just then, my heart stopped and for a glimpse, everything was perfect just the way it used to be.

Words fail to express the euphoria that swept over me that very moment. It was such a dream to have seen you again tonight. But like every other dream, they only prove to be true while they last. You were beautiful as always.


How I miss the days of golden sun. When we had a long, long way to go. We would run, we'd never have enough.

Dear God the only thing I ask of you
Is to hold her when I'm not around
When I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her

With love,
Your Bicycle.

Staring at the carnage
Praying that the sun would never rise
Living another day in disguise
I walked your land but don't belong
Fought so scared forgive me for my crimes
Don't forget that I was so young.

A7x M.I.A

Clairvoyant Disease.

Worship and kiss the altar
All hail the mighty Father
But still love will keep you blind

Like a man plagued with disease, I try to fight
But I'll never let them see the preservation of the martyr in me.